Call Someone Who Cares

I was cleaning out my top desk drawer when I found an old envelope folded up in the back. You can probably imagine the kind of drawer I mean. It’s the one where random pieces of your life end up because you’re not quite ready to throw them away.

Inside were a few things I hadn’t seen in years: a Metro card from old trips to D.C., an expired driver’s license, and a small family portrait photo from when I was three. Then I found one of my dad’s old business cards.

Across the middle, in a typeface that clearly didn’t belong, were the words: “Call Someone Who Cares.”

I laughed as soon as I saw it.

My mom must have typed it onto the cards using our old Smith Corona typewriter. That was very much my father. He made his own way by doing things himself and rarely looked around for help.

I saw this up close as a kid. My dad would wake me up early to work on projects around the house. We changed the oil in the car, pulled weeds, fixed whatever needed fixing, and waded into the water to scrape barnacles off the pilings of our dock.

I hated most of it at the time.

I could hold the flashlight. I could hold the ladder. But when it came to anything mechanical, I was mostly just trying not to make things worse.

I thought about him this past Father’s Day while I was installing garage shelving. It was one of several home projects I’ve assigned myself lately. I’ve gotten pretty handy with a drill. And yes, I was up early doing it.

He passed the trait down the old-fashioned way by handing me the chores.

And somewhere along the way, I picked up the same reflex. I’d rather do the thing myself than hand it off. It just feels easier to keep moving than to stop, explain, and trust someone else to do it differently.

This has shown up in my professional work too. The first thing that comes to mind is the tedious course setup in our learning management system. I’m comfortable in there, so it feels faster to update the policies, adjust the dates, and move the content forward myself than to sit down and walk someone else through it.

So it stays mine.

It shows up at home too. I finally outsourced the lawn about two months ago. I’m perfectly capable of cutting the grass, but everything around it was taking time from places I’d rather spend it. A two-person crew does in fifteen minutes what takes me an hour. And my wife will tell you they do it better.

I find it funny that I could let go of the grass but not the course setup. I keep wondering why some work is so much harder to put down.

Somewhere along the way, being capable turned into being responsible for too much.

And if someone came to mind while you were reading this, the kind of person who mapped it all out or the kind who never has, feel free to send it their way.

You probably know this feeling too. Think about your job over the past few years. My guess is there are things you’re good at, and because you’re good at them, you’ve become the one who keeps holding them.

Maybe it’s a trait you inherited too. Not because you sat down one day and decided this is who you would be at work. It just slowly became part of how you operate.

If my father were still here, I think he’d be amazed by what I’ve managed to build. I also think he was trying to raise someone self-reliant. Someone who could figure things out and who wouldn’t have to depend on anyone.

I inherited the autonomy, the work ethic, and the deep preference for handling things myself. I also inherited the part that has trouble setting any of it down.

I don’t know yet which parts to keep. The drill, I’m keeping. The early-morning reflex is probably here to stay. But being the one who always handles it himself, who won’t ask and won’t hand things off? I’m less sure about that one.

When you look at the work that feels easier to handle yourself, did you choose that, or did you inherit it too?

If a specific one came to mind, that noticing is usually where it starts. These reflections go out to my newsletter twice a month. If you’d like them in your inbox, you can subscribe below.

This week I encourage you to pay attention to one thing you keep doing yourself, even though someone else could probably do it. Don’t force a change yet. Just ask yourself why it still feels like yours.

Until next time.